I believe Diabetes Burnout is a real thing, and I’ve had it many times. But right now I’m not there. It’s definitely not smooth sailing, but I’m not burnt out. I guess maybe I’m lightly toasted.When I’m burnt, I don’t count my carbs. I bolus random amounts where the Guess in my SWAG is more Wild Ass than Scientific. Pre-bolus is replaced with bolus while eating. Testing happens about twice a day, if I’m lucky, only so I can calibrate my CGM. None of that is happening now. I’m counting and testing and pre-bolusing. I’m not burnt.
So what tells me I’m toasted? Well, when my CGM rings a high or low alarm, I immediately yell “Fuck you, just fuck right the fuck off”. (But if my mom is reading this, I mean that I say “Oh gee, gosh darn fiddle dee dee”. Sorry Mom.) During the day, I don’t bother treating a low until I really feel the low symptoms - pretending that I’m not hypo-unaware. And during the night, I might dip into the 40s before I feel motivated enough to leave my bed and eat something. Yes, I’m testing, but I’m starting to forgo a finger-stick here and there in favor of bolusing off my sensor if I know it’s been spot-on. Yup, not burnt, but definitely getting pretty toasty.
I’m hoping by acknowledging that I’m firmly between the red coils of the toaster, I can pop myself out before I’m fully burnt. Maybe I need to take a “Diabetes Day Off”, kind of like a Wallow Day but with less wallow and depression (since I’m not quite there yet) and more just giving myself a break for a day. Will that turn the heat down and keep me from getting too crispy? Any other ideas to halt the toasting?
Great analogies ("SWAG" and "red coils")! Also, I never knew you had that kind of reaction to your CGM... glad I never cut you off in traffic.
ReplyDeleteI've definitely been there. I've spent years there. I hope it gets better soon. Take the victories where you can, and mitigate the bad days so they're not too bad. Also, I would say... laugh a little. Regardless, I support you... no conditions.
Toasted... nicely put. Feeling that way some myself. When I get to that point, I find that sometimes just mixing up my routine a bit helps get me back -- from unhooking my CGM for a day or two, or even taking a pump break for a bit to get my mind re-thinking about insulin, dosing, etc.
ReplyDeleteLove the name of your blog, in life we often learn how to overcome
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