At midnight the phone rings. It’s Pete, calling from his hotel in California. He’s arrived safely and checked in. He’s had dinner and is getting ready for bed himself. I miss him so much already, even though I saw him just this morning. We say goodnight, I turn off the TV, and I fall asleep.
Although I don’t realize it, I’m having “that dream” again. The one I can’t really explain. My mind is racing overtime. I am counting and sorting and trying to fit something into place. I manage once, but I have a few left and I just can’t do it. I keep trying. My mind keeps racing. I am restless. It’s not working.
I’m sort of awake now, lying flat on my back with K.C. sprawled across my chest sleeping. I don’t know how one little ten pound cat can throw off so much body heat, but I am drenched in sweat. I guess it doesn’t help that the weather has been mild. But oh my gosh, it is hot in here. I drift back and forth between sleep and a feeling that I will spontaneously combust at any moment. I’m so hot and sweaty. I finally wake up and decide to go to the bathroom, just so I can get out from under the covers . . . .and from under the cat. It occurs to me that since I’m up, I might as well check my blood sugar.38. My blood sugar is 38. Of course it is. That’s why I was having “that dream”. It’s my low dream. Why didn’t I realize that sooner? And that’s why I’m soaked in sweat. It all makes perfect sense and I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it. I almost didn’t even bother to test my blood, how stupid is that?
Aside from feeling like a total moron, I also feel the need to eat . . . . a lot. I down a bunch Swedish Fish, but I really want something salty. I climb into bed with a mostly empty bag of chips and finish them off. I know I’ve eaten way too much. Moron. And now I’m so cold, I can’t stop shivering. I wish K.C. would come snuggle on me again, but she’s back in her own bed happily sleeping. Me? Not so much.
I feel like hell when I get up Tuesday morning. I’m upset that I didn’t realize I was low sooner. I’m afraid to tell Pete what happened because I hate to make him worry. I’m scared to sleep alone for the next two nights until his trip is done. In fact, I barely sleep at all Tuesday and Wednesday night. I intentionally eat larger than usual dinners and under-bolus. I see more 200s in those two days than I’ve seen in months. I’m not sure I care.
Even after 32 years, diabetes can still really scare me.
***This post was inspired by one Kerri wrote. And, I suppose, by that f’ing blood sugar.
I have those low dreams your talking about, i have just never called it a 'Low dream' before. It makes total sense! Thanks for posting, I enjoyed your the Post. I am scared too!
ReplyDeleteI have had Low Dreams before, uh ever time I have a low while I was sleeping. I wake up dis-oriented and sweaty and usually over eat when I correct. I just have never heard it called a 'Low Dream' it perfectly describes the indescribable Dream that I get when I wake up low. I have called them Mortality dream, because it is usually a dream about me not dying right away, but slowly dying. I appreciate your post and I am scared too!
ReplyDeleteHi Ben, thanks for your comments. In a weird way, it's kind of nice to know someone else has dreams like that when low too. I never called it my "low dream" until writing this post today. But now I will!!! I don't have it all the time, but usually when I've very very low. Thanks again for the comments!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, I can't tell you how many times when I was low, I would wake up with my Cat on me. I wondered sometimes if she did that to try to help me. I can't prove it, but I think she knew I needed something and that was all the presence she could give us.
ReplyDeleteGlad you woke up. Glad you tested. Glad you're okay.
ReplyDeleteAnd running high for a few days is good. You'll sleep better and so will Pete.
After a failed infusion site and a correction with an insulin pen I was worried about my daughter - that I had over corrected. I 'slept' next to her and a couple hours later she woke up and said "I think I am low, I just had a dream my blood sugar was 45". I tested her and she was 47. Thank God for diabetic dream intuition.
ReplyDeleteWow, it's like you wrote about me! For me, the restlessness is my first tip, but like you, it's not apparent until after the fact. After 50 hrs of this, it only gets worse (the hypo unawareness issues).
ReplyDeleteI'm a fairly deep sleeper so most of the time I wake up in the middle of the night, it's because my bloodsugar is out of whack. When I'm too tired to check, I know that's when I really need it. Waking up like that is so scary when you're home alone. I'm glad (and a smidge jealous) that you have someone there for most nights. <3
ReplyDelete@ Brian. They have trained Dogs that can detect low blood sugar, so I would totally believe that your cat is able to detect it. I heard that somewhere and actually thought about getting a dog and training it to do that for me. I don't think it is ironic that both of your Cats, Karen & Brian, were on your chest when you woke up with Lows. Animals/Pets are a lot smarter than we suspect, lol. They care! Thanks for letting me share
ReplyDeleteHow scary! Glad you woke up and thought to test... hope everything went well the other two nights Pete was away!
ReplyDeleteOh My gosh.....KC was telling you to get up......
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry you had such a stressful week with sugars.....Im so glad you are okay
UGH! So glad you're ok. Diabetes can still really scare me too.
ReplyDeletewhat a scary experience. thank you for your honesty. <3
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