This time of the year, it’s not so much about the Mondays. It’s about the Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. The days are cold. It’s dark when I wake up, and it’s dark before I’ve even started making dinner. That fun, carefree “it’s summer, lets kick back in the sunshine and have some fun” feeling is replaced with dreary winter doldrums. I start to feel isolated, I start to feel apathetic. I start to feel like a huge loser for still not having a real job. I start to feel like a waste of human matter. And one big D starts to eclipse the other big D. Granted, this can (and does) hit any time of year - but autumn always seems a little bit worse.Write about something that gets you down, burns you out, or makes you sad. Purge it in a blog post. Turn it around at the end. Tell Tuesday why you’re ready for it.
This year, these Fall blahs are hitting at a particularly hard time. A little over a month ago, we lost my father’s twin brother, who was also my godfather. A little over a week ago, we lost Pete’s grandmother, who was 100 years old and lived on her own in a second-story walkup in Queens until just a couple of months ago. It was easy to believe Grandma would outlive us all, given how amazing she was. On top of that, Pete has been away on business almost every week (although luckily it looks like his business trips are finished for a while), leaving me plenty of time to sulk pathetically without anyone to interrupt my crying jags. It also makes it far too easy to load up on comfort foods instead of cooking healthy, well-balanced dinners for one. Which makes the scale move ever farther upward instead of down. Which makes me feel even worse about myself. Which makes me want more comfort food. Rinse, repeat . . .
So now, I’m supposed to turn it around and tell Tuesday why I’m ready for it. Ummmm . . . . I gotta be honest, I don’t have any answers. I can tell you I dragged myself off of the couch yesterday to go out for a run with Pete, and I’ll make myself get on the treadmill today. I can tell you I’ve planned a week of healthy, home-cooked dinners and after I hit “Publish” I’ll go buy the ingredients for them. I can tell you I’ll work hard on being a good advocate - with my blog, with other Social Media, with my volunteer JDRF work, with Diabetes Awareness Month, and with any other opportunities that come along. But I can’t promise I’ll feel any less isolated. I can’t promise I’ll feel like less of a loser. I can’t promise I’ll figure out any answers. All I can promise is that I’ll try.
This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J
I'm so tempted to say "Karen, Nooo!", but I know exactly how you feel and I know how useless that kind of reaction is.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your uncle and Grandma (I remember you guys talking about her last summer), and that you're having rough time all around.
You know we're always all here for you, moping around in empathy.
You'll be in my thoughts!
Oh Karen, I hear you. I feel it. I'm sorry to hear about your family members. That just sucks. It sounds like you have a plan to turn your week around.
ReplyDeleteHaving a rough go of it myself, so I feel for you. I'm ready for the drama in my life to be over but it keeps dragging along.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that the fall blahs are hitting you so hard Karen – I think a lot of us are right there with you. This year does seem to be pretty hard and I didn’t have any deaths in my family let alone two. I disagree about not having a real job though – you help so many people by being an advocate. We appreciate you a lot more than some employer that would have you sitting in an office!
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone in feeling this way, my friend. remember that you are NEEDED, and you are LOVED!
ReplyDeleteHope shopping was good and you're inspired to cook up some of those healthy dinners. Be sure to have a treat for fun.
ReplyDeleteoh karen, you are not alone. fall does this to so many. damn DST. its dark, dark, dark. but christmas is coming and then spring will be here! (ok so i'm stretching it a bit but hey, whatever gets me through! right?)
ReplyDeletefeel better soon, and knoe we're with you ((hugs))
Karen, I've always dreaded the arrival of September. And as we go deeper into the cold, windy, snowy days, it feels almost automatic to withdraw. But the plans and promises you've already made will go a long way toward staving off the misery. Use the treadmill, and cook that good food, and feel as good as you can in the light of your efforts and your accomplishments. So far, that's the best defense I've found.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, our bodies want to bulk up when cold weather starts -- it's evolution :)
aww karen! *hugs*
ReplyDeletei am so sorry for your losses. i hope that seeing how many other people struggle with this time of year helps you feel less isolated. reach out if you can, we're all here if you need us. :)
ReplyDeleteKaren, maybe it helps to know that you're taking the words right out off my mouth. I know how this isolation feels and reading in your post that I am not alone makes me feel less isolated. Thank you. You are not alone.
ReplyDelete