Endo says too Low - with Snow . . .

Goofy rhyming post title aside, there are two things I dislike.  Snow and endo appointments.  Well actually, there are a lot of things I dislike - mashed potatoes, my creepy neighbor, using public bathrooms, the Diabetes Police  . . . I could go on and on.  But for today's purposes let's just focus on the snow and the endo.

I woke up Friday morning to see that vile white stuff floating down and thinking of the endo appointment I had that afternoon.  Don't get me wrong, snow is pretty - but it's also cold and wet and slippery and messy and I haven't really liked it since I hit my teenage years.  And my endo?  Well, he's nice and supportive and smart and really really great.  I just hate that I stress myself out over what my test results will show and I imagine how he'll be disappointed in me and then get all judgmental - even though he never, ever has.  It's really more my "internal endo" that I have an issue with, not my real endo.

So anyway, we ended up only getting about an inch of snow and the roads were well plowed by the time I got behind the wheel to drive to my appointment.

Once at Dr. F's office, I did the most painful part of any endo visit - paid my $40 co-pay. Ouch.  I barely had time to start a game of Guess My A1C on Twitter before I was called in for my appointment.  The first thing Dr. F said to me was "So, have you been having a lot of lows?"  At that point, I knew my A1C must rock - in fact, I think I said those words to him exactly.  And yes, at 5.9 I now have a lower A1C than I ever dreamed I could achieve.  But as it turns out, lower is not always better.  Dr. F had some reservations about how often I find myself below 40.  And although I really hate highs more than lows, I suppose I have to agree with him.

We talked about better managing my work-outs so I don't bottom out half-way through.  We looked for patterns where basal tweaks might be needed.  We talked about keeping my A1C under 6.5, but not necessarily under 6.0.  Especially at the cost of having daily readings in the 30s and 40s.  Then we went over the rest of my labs.  I always breathe a sigh of relief when all of the kidney and liver tests are passed with flying colors.  I'm happy that my cholesterol is playing nice.  The only problem is my Vitamin D stores, which are far too low and don't seem to want to come up.  (Note to Self: You have to get out in the sun more!!  All day inside with a laptop is no good!!)  I left with a prescription for a higher dose of Vitamin D and a lab slip for a blood draw in four months, before my next appointment.  (At least there won't be any snow that day.  And hopefully no mashed potatoes either!)

I also left with a bit of a crestfallen feeling.  In the past couple of years, I've worked so hard to wrangle my A1C down below 7 when that barely seemed possible.  It was quite a triumph to get under 6.5.  So to fall to 5.9 but know it's because of unsafe lows leaves me quite conflicted.  I feel like I want to celebrate for getting my A1C lower than I ever dreamed.  But at the same time, I feel the need to scold myself for allowing all those lows that made the 5.9 happen.

Am I happy?  Am I upset?  I just don't know.  Diabetes, you sure know how to screw with my head!!