First vlog post . . .

Well, I've got a new laptop. And it has a web-cam. So I decided to jump on the vlogging bandwagon.

I've always been more comfortable writing than speaking. I did three takes, and this is the least bad of the three. I didn't ramble quite as much and most of what I wanted to say came out okay.

I definitely think K.C. is the star of the vlog!

Open letter to my blood sugar . . .

Dear Blood Sugar,

WTF?  Really, what is your problem?  Last week you were throwing way too many lows.  I mean, come on, a 30 mid-morning and a 39 in the evening - both on the same day?  And it wasn't like I ran a marathon or S.W.A.G.ed my bolus or anything.

To make matters worse, what the heck pissed you off yesterday?  Really, whatever it was, you shouldn't have taken it out on me with an unwarrented 228 fasting blood glucose.  Come on, you know I didn't do anything to deserve that one.

And while we're at it, I have a favor to ask.  You know you owe me one, for all of the trouble you've been putting me through lately.  So can you ask your friend, Ms. Interstitial Fluid, to resume sending accurate numbers to the CGM?  I know she can do it, because she has been since they were introduced.  But they must have had some sort of a tiff, because for the past day or so, she been reporting numbers that are way off.  Please tell her to get over it and make friends with Mr. CGM once more.

So come on.  Let's all be pals again and play nice.  Trust me, we'll all be much happier for it.

Thanks,
  Karen

Did I really eat the pizza??

Saturday evening, once we got K.C. all set up and settled, neither Pea nor I felt like cooking dinner. He offered to run out and pick up a pizza. I agreed.

Pizza is a tricky thing for diabetics. All the carbs and fat and protein really make the blood sugar hard to control. Since getting my pump, I had found a "Pizza Bolus Combo" that seems to work fairly well for me. I was excited to eat pizza now that I have the CGM so I could see what I needed to fine tune on my Pizza Bolus.

Here's how things went:

• 7:30pm - 74 - glad the blood sugar was finally down because I had been running high all day. Bolused 40% up front and 60% over 2 hours. Ate pizza as soon as Pea got home with it.
• 8:16pm - 52 - felt a little funny, and CGM Low Alarm buzzed. Finished pizza and drank Motts Tots Juice box, 13g carbs.
• 10:00pm - 51 - what the hell? Ate small package of Swedish Fish, 14g of carbs.
• 10:32pm - 67 - going to bed. Not worried about low reading, because I'm sure I'm on the rise. Glad to have CGM, just in case.
• 11:26pm - 43 - CGM alarm woke me up, thank goodness. Drank my second Motts Tots Juice box of the night. 13g of carbs. (again)
• 1:57am - 54 - YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! 54 after pizza, 2 juice boxes and Swedish Fish?? Did I really eat the pizza, or was it just a dream? Has my pancreas decided to work again??? Ate small package of Sour Patch Kids, 14g of carbs. So ticked, went back to sleep without rebrushing teeth.
• 7:04am - fasting blood sugar of 106.

please note: Blood sugars are from finger-stick results, not CGM results. Although the CGM was pretty accurate too.

So yeah, not quite sure exactly what was going on. After eating pizza, I usually see a rise around midnight and need to bolus a small correction. Now I'm wondering if I was bottoming out and not feeling it, and then rebounding around midnight. Have I really been over-bolusing that much for pizza? The only way to find out is to see what happens next time. But for now, I think that pizza was mocking me!

Love at first sight . . .

Today Pea and I took a drive to the CT Humane Society.  We were just going to look at the cats, and I was trying really hard not to get my hopes up.

But someone caught my eye.  As I reached into her cage, she stretched up to meet my hand and started purring like crazy.  Her name is K.C., which were my initials from my maiden name.  Before I knew what was happening, I was signing the papers and we were bringing her home.

It was meant to be.  Here is what she did mere minutes after we got home.

She hadn't even known me for an hour yet.  I couldn't believe she already crawled into my lap.  She's cute and sweet and I really feel like she was meant to be with us.  She's 2 years old and less than 8 pounds, and apparently had a rough start.  But she couln't be sweeter or cuter or more loving.

I hope she's happy about her new forever home.   She's already made our house so much brighter.

Dark Cloud

I debated long and hard about what I wanted to post today. In the end, I decided to do something I've never done before. Write an honest post about my mood.

To read either of my blogs, you'd think I'm generally a happy person with a positive outlook.  That's what I show to my RL friends too.  But that's not always the case. I don't feel like I'm lying or anything, but I do try to blog on "good days". There is plenty of negative stuff out there in the world, and I prefer not to add to it.

But in all honestly, I feel like I'm struggling lately. I'm not happy. There are so many things in my life that I want and need to improve. I'm just not sure how to get started and how to get there. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like I don't contribute a single thing to society. I feel like I could just evaporate, and the world would go on just as well without me.

Then, the guilt sets in  I am not entitled to feel like this.  I am very lucky. I have a husband who loves me (although most days I have a hard time figuring out why). I have a nice home. I have good health insurance that has enabled me to have a pump and a CGM. My diabetes has never been in better control. I even have the good fortune of taking time to really figure out what I want to do for a living.

I know the work thing is a huge part of the problem. I have fleeting glances of ideas of what I'd like to do - but I can't figure out exactly what that is or how to get there. So the days go by, and I'm no closer to a career.

And honestly, the diabetes thing is part of the problem too. Yes, I have the tools I need, and I'm lucky for that. Yes, I'm in the best control of my life, and I'm proud of that. But let's face it, it's not easy. It's a 24/7 job all on it's own. Even in excellent control, things just go wrong every so often. It's discouraging at times. Quite often, it's overwhelming.

So tell me, do you have days (weeks, months) like this too? Do you wonder if you should even bother to get up in the morning? Do you feel a load of guilt for feeling that way? Do you think diabetes has a lot to do with the feeling of depression?

And most importantly for me today, how do you fight these feeling and start moving forward again?

Yup, I'm a Moron too!

All over D-Blogville, people have been fessing up to Moronic Diabetes Behavior. Well, it's time for me to come clean.  I, too, am a Diabetes Moron.  (And at times, just a moron in general!)

Soon after getting my pump, I discovered how much I like the Blood Glucose Check Reminder alarm.  When I bolus for a meal, I set the alarm to beep me when it's time for my 2-hour post meal check.  Of course, when it goes off, I'm not always ready to check RIGHT THEN.  Sometimes I need to finish the sentence I'm typing.  Sometimes I need to finish knitting the row I'm working on.  You get the idea.  So I've gotten into the bad habit of taking out my pump, clearing the alarm, and letting it sit in my lap until I'm ready for my finger-stick.

Here comes the Moronic Part.  Quite often, my meter is not an arms length away from where I am sitting.  So I get up to retrieve it.  WITHOUT REMEMBERING THAT MY PUMP IS RESTING ON MY LAP!  That's right, it dangles from the tubing and does a little bouncy thing I like to call Bungee Pumping.

One of these days, I'm going to bungee a site right out of my body.  And then, I'll be the Queen of the Morons!

Can I just tell you?

I AM CRAZY IN LOVE WITH MY CGM!!!!!

Okay, okay, I know it's been just over 24 hours. I'm sure things won't always go so well. I know there will be days when it's a huge thorn in my side. But right now, it's been nothing but wonderful.

I reported for training yesterday at 10:30 a.m. I was really happy when I learned that my trainer would be "C", who trained me on my pump last April. She's smart, thorough and a lot of fun. By 11:00 a.m. my sensor was in, and we had fun chatting about diabetes, the holidays, and how men are such babies when they are sick. (Ask me how I know?) Soon, it was time to attach the transmitter and go over a few more things, and then I was on my way. By 1:00 p.m. I was ready to enter my first finger-stick reading for calibration, and my graph started to fill in.

So far it's been pretty accurate. Most of yesterday afternoon, the CGM readings were within 20 points of my finger-sticks. By last evening and overnight, they were within 3 points. Wow!! It's been my theory that my blood sugar crashes during the night and I sleep through it, but I could never get a finger-stick that confirmed this. Until 4:00 am this morning.  I woke to a beeping and asked Pea "What the hell is beeping outside" . . . . until I realize it was ME who was beeping!  The CGM alerted me to a low. I treated, came up to about 80, then fell back down to the 60's. When I test during the night, it's usually by 3:00 a.m. or before.  I don't think I've ever been up at 4:00 to test.  Low Blood Sugar Mystery solved.

Crazy thing is, my blood sugars since Sunday have been the best I can remember in a long time.  Yes, Sunday, even though I didn't have my CGM until mid-day yesterday.  I'm hoping that being hooked up now can help me make this good streak last a bit longer.

For now, I'm just really proud to look at my 3 hour graph.  (Which I could swear I took a picture of, but I guess I didn't and I'm too lazy to take, upload and edit another one now.)  My 24 hour graph is a thing of beauty!  (And yes, I have a picture of that one.)

I suspect that if my CGM hadn't caught that 4a.m. low, I'd have spent the morning and early afternoon battling a rebound and wondering what I had done wrong.

Overall, I am feeling very thankful. I know many, many people are fighting their insurance companies for CGMS approval. I know just how lucky I am to be wearing my CGM, and I'm sure not going to take it for granted.

Starting the New Year off right.

Last week I got a letter from my insurance company.

Click to make bigger.

Without a single appeal needed, they have deemed the CGMS medically necessary. Yahoo.  I have 90% coverage on everything needed.

And today, Mr. UPS brought the box I'd been waiting for.

Monday morning I go in for training. Looks like 2009 is off to a great start!